Firestar's Reasons
by Lady Maeror
Summary: Wander through Firestar's thoughts, as he contemplates death because of the greatest and closest friends he's had and lost. Spoilers through all books. Finished! R&R please!
1. My Reasons For Dying

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters, or the Warriors by Erin Hunter.

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ALL BOOKS UP TO TWILIGHT

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My Reasons For Dying:

I sit alone, in my den. I am far away from my original home. I am Firestar, the leader and hero of ThunderClan.

I was a kittypet, drawn into the woods by my own curiosity. Bluestar, the leader then, invited me to join ThunderClan. It took many moons to prove myself worthy, and then I earned my warrior name. I solved a mysterious death of a noble cat; I saved my Clan from fire. I have fought Tigerstar and proved his deciet, I looked into the snarling face of a vicous dog, and the fierce gaze of Scourge. And yet doing all these things, I am lost, because of what I have lost.

Fireheart; the name is famous, although it isn't mine any more. I have the lives and spirit of a Clan leader, after journeying and receiving 9 lives from the cats in StarClan.

_StarClan_

I respect them all, even if they are my Clan's warrior ancestors. But they aren't mine. StarClan is the fifth Clan of the forest, and they watch over us all. I am related to none of them, not a drop of their blood runs through my veins.

As I sit here alone, I can't help wondering whether any cats in StarClan miss me. Do they regret their decisions? Do StarClan ever wonder whether the cats that joined them should have stayed Earthbound?

I am alone. And I can think of so many reasons why I should just leave this world, and let my spirit soar across Silverpelt, with all those who I loved and lost.

These are my reasons for dying.

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I won't type anything at the bottom of the next few chapters, just please Read and Review, it will make me happy, (and thats a good thing) but yeah, my disclaimer is on every page, and I will finish the next chapters as soon as possible. 


	2. My Loyal Friends

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters, or the Warriors by Erin Hunter.

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My loyal friends: Graystripe and Ravenpaw 

Graystripe:

When I arrived at ThunderClan, I was greeted by Graypaw, young apprentice and the first Clan cat I met. He was warm and welcoming. When I slept in my den at night, I understood that even though I missed my twoleg home, someone wanted me to stay here.

We grew very close, along with Ravenpaw, another apprentice. We all went to our first Gathering, and met new cats. It was a joyous time, learning to hunt and fight, allowing ourselves to play and be innocent.

Graypaw and I both solved Redtail's murder. We both earned our warrior names after helping Yellowfang retrieve lost ThunderClan kits.

Together, we journeyed across WindClan territory, and found a Clan that had been reduced to fear and deceit. Graystripe and I both made new friends, and grew even closer.

But we both got our first apprentice's together. I remember when Graystripe fell in love with Silverstream, a RiverClan she-cat who had saved him from drowning one time, after he had chased Cinderpaw onto the ice. They're relationship resulted in disaster, with Silverstream dead after giving birth to his kits. Our friendship was rocky after that, and continued that way.

Graystripe became weaker when his two kits, Featherpaw and Stormpaw were taken back to RiverClan. He left me to join them, and my heart ached to know it. He returned later, after a fire that raged through our camp.

Graystripe was forever torn, torn between loyalty to ThunderClan and loyalty to his kits and the promise he made to Silverstream.

He was devastated when they both left on a journey for StarClan. Feathertail and Stormfur were lost from his protection.

Feathertail died on the journey, leaving her brother alone. Stormfur returned to us with news, and that Feathertail had left to join StarClan.

Graystripe couldn't take it, and he was always so distant. But on one fateful day, he saved me and broke me at the same time.

Leafpaw, my daughter, was caged in a twoleg nest. He sacrificed himself and saved her, but was captured. My truest friend is lost to me.

Ravenpaw:

Ravenpaw was an insecure cat when I met him. He was intimidated by his mentor, Tigerclaw, and as we found out later, he had a right mind to be.

Ravenpaw did many remarkable things. For one, he caught an adder at Snake Rocks. Another time, Tigerclaw sent him into ShadowClan to get some fresh-kill. He came back with a mouthful of it. But he was always scared, and he got so frightened that Tigerclaw was going to kill him, that we sent him to a loner, Barley, to stay with instead.

WindClan stayed at his barn, and we got to see him again. Ravenpaw helped rescue Cloudpaw when he was stolen by twolegs.

We all had many encounters later, at TigerClan especially. Ravenpaw helped us drive out BloodClan as well.

But he was another great friend, and although he is happy, he could have been a warrior. He could have journeyed to the new Clans. Instead, he chose to stay with Barley.

I've lost the two of my greatest friends, and they aren't in StarClan. I can't reassure myself that they are watching, that they are protecting me and guiding my paws.

I will never forget them, because being forgotten is the same as dying.


	3. My Faithful Deputies

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters, or the Warriors by Erin Hunter.

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My Faithful Deputies: Lionheart and Whitestorm

Lionheart:

Lionheart, the brave golden tom that had always held warmth and wisdom. He never was my deputy as leader, because he died before I became Fireheart. But he had been deputy of ThunderClan, therefore he was my deputy.

I first saw him after my tussle with Graypaw. He frightened me and comforted me at the same time. He first had objected to allowing me in the Clan as Rusty, but warmed up later. I believe Lionheart sparked the fire in my soul, for when I was introduced to the Clan; Longtail was very uncomfortable with me becoming a ThunderClan cat. Lionheart gave me the courage to fight the tabby, and win, earning my right to join the Clan.

Lionheart became deputy after Redtail's death, and became my mentor along with Tigerclaw. He taught me how to fight and how to catch prey. Lionheart told me that I could not walk a paw in each world, either I became a Clan cat, or resumed being a kittypet.

I didn't spend much time with my deputy, and when I journeyed to the Moonstone and back, he had been killed by a ShadowClan cat. But I always remember him.

Lionheart gave me my first life before I became Firestar. He gave me the life of courage, and during that time, I became extremely aware of what he had felt through his life, loyalty to ThunderClan, loyalty to StarClan and the warrior code. I now know him more then I did when he was alive.

Whitestorm:

Whitestorm was always there to support me. He came and met me with Lionheart, to take me to ThunderClan. Whitestorm was an old cat when I met him, but a respected senior warrior. He was a big tom, short haired with amber eyes and white pelt. From the scratches you could see, he was a well known fighter.

Whitestorm had trusted me as an apprentice, enough to go against his deputy's orders, and listen to me instead. He followed my decisions when rescuing Frostfur's kits. He didn't like it, especially because the cat they had been searching for, Yellowfang, was actually innocent and helping ThunderClan. Whitestorm recommended Graystripe and I to become warriors, after returning.

After then, he confided in me and always respected me, even though he was more experienced. I valued his friendship and trusted him as much as he trusted me. When I became the deputy, he followed without question, and even through times where he didn't like my suggestions, he padded onwards, because he was loyal to ThunderClan.

Whitestorm and I both were aware of Bluestar's troubles, and after Tigerstar's deceit, she was broken mentally. We both understood how fragile she had become and stuck together for Bluestar's sake. The wise warrior was hurt when Bluestar sacrificed herself to save ThunderClan. He blamed himself because he was supposed to guard her and keep her safe. I never gave him reason to think it was his fault, because Bluestar had her own mind, and Whitestorm couldn't have changed it.

I knew I had to pick a new deputy when I became Firestar; Whitestorm was the best choice because of how loyal he had been, up to his death.

I hated it when he died, but being in the middle of a giant war, I couldn't stop to grieve. I nodded and knew he was going to StarClan, and he told me kindly that he had felt he served his Clan best through his life, and that he was honoured to be my deputy.

When I go speak with StarClan, I see him in their shining ranks, yet I miss him in life, because a spirit cannot walk with you.


	4. My Forgotten past

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Warrior by Erin Hunter or the following characters in my story. I am merely a fan.

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My past: Smudge and Princess

Smudge:

Smudge was my friend as a kittypet next door. Together we grew up, side by side, always playing. I left Smudge when Graypaw, Bluestar and Lionheart came and invited me to their Clan.

We played together for our last time, and Smudge was very upset to see me go. He was my best friend, but the forest called me, and I couldn't help but answer.

As Firepaw, I ran into Smudge one last time. I was hurt that he thought I was a strange cat, until I told him that I was Rusty, the young kitten he used to play with. I missed him and he told me about his life. I understood why I couldn't identify him at first by scent; he had been to the vet. He was no longer a proper tom and I then realised that I could never have stayed as plain old Rusty.

That was the last time I saw Smudge.

Princess:

Princess was my sister. When Graystripe was having his affair with Silverstream, I got tired of warning him about breaking the warrior code. I realised that Princess was my sister one night, when dreaming of my mother and kin, and the sweet scent that clung to her fur.

I met her at her twoleg nest, and she was frightened at how wild I looked. Soon she understood that I was still her brother.

She gave me Cloudtail, to take to ThunderClan after Cinderpelt's tragic accident.

I forever kept seeing her, at her twoleg home. She even braved the forest to come searching for Cloudtail and me after a fire.

I loved my sister, because she was my kin, and when I was around her, I was complete. I didn't feel I lacked a quality the Clan cats had; I had family, just like them.

But we left Princess behind when we came here, to our new Clan homes, by the Lake. I haven't seen her for so long.

I miss her, and like many others, she is lost to me.


	5. My Lost Kin

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters, or the Warriors by Erin Hunter.

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My Lost Kin: Leafpool and Squirrelflight 

Leafpool:

Leafpool, my daughter, was always close to me. Unlike Sandstorm or I, she had a light tabby pelt, with golden eyes and white paws. She grew up as a kit alongside her sister, Squirrelflight. However, Leafpool began to drift away from me as she took her path to become a medicine cat. Every cat could see it was right.

Leafpool, (Leafpaw at the time,) always had a strong connection to StarClan. And what was more unusual was that she could feel her sister's emotions.

Leafpaw had always been loyal to ThunderClan, but heartbroken when Squirrelflight, (then Squirrelpaw,) left to journey to the Sun-Down place. Throughout her grief, she had stayed calm and collected, and always put the Clan's needs before her own.

Leafpaw had witnessed many things in her young life while with the Clans. She had seen the prophecy 'Fire and Tiger' with Cinderpelt, which predicted chaos and trouble for the Clans. Leafpaw watched in horror, as twolegs ripped apart part of our territory, with monsters, bigger than the ordinary ones that roared on the Thunderpath.

Leafpaw still believed in StarClan, and followed the warrior code, helping the sick when more of our territory was destroyed.

Leafpaw told me, that on one journey where she visited the Moonstone, Spottedleaf had visited her. I now know that Spottedleaf had guided my daughter throughout her time with the Clan cats, to become the great medicine cat she would rise to be. The young she-cat had been more confident with the StarCat to guide her.

Just before Squirrelpaw returned, Leafpaw was taken by the twolegs. She had been out patrolling with Sorreltail, and was captured and put into a big metal nest. She had been scared and refused to eat the kittypet food that they gave her. Graystripe, Squirrelpaw, Brambleclaw and others managed to free her and Cody, a kittypet.

She had returned happily, and with Cody, both helped feed and heal our starving Clan. Leafpaw had been devastated and unsure of her place when she allowed Hollykit to die. She understood that at the time, she should have seen how cold the young she-cat was, but forgot and another one of Ferncloud's kits died at her paws.

Spottedleaf had given Leafpool a vision of where the Clan cat would have to journey to, after the cats that went to find Midnight, returned. Leafpaw led us through the mountains and beyond to a great lake. That is where we are settled now and living in peace.

We had all been worried about where to hold our Gathering and what would replace the Moonstone. Again, Spottedleaf came to Leafpaw in a dream, showing her the way up a small mountain, guided by starlight to the Moonpool. The cats of StarClan told her that that is where StarClan would meet leader's and medicine cats. Leafpaw returned and told the cats of ThunderClan, which spread throughout the other three Clans.

Leafpaw and Cinderpelt left us at half-moon to go to the Moonpool. The other medicine cats were there, to commune with StarClan just like they did with the Moonstone.

When Leafpaw returned, she had been accepted by StarClan, and was now Leafpool, no longer an apprentice but a full medicine cat, alongside Cinderpelt.

Leafpool had there after been unsure, and not so loyal.

It was unfortunate, but Leafpool fell in love. She met Crowfeather, a wild and prickly WindClan warrior. I don't know how, but they both found that they loved each other.

Leafpool left the Clans with Crowfeather. She forgot about StarClan, although she had followed them and believed they were always watching, even when we could not see Silverpelt.

Leafpool returned, to save Sorreltail at her kitting from badgers. Cinderpelt died, but was content to know that her replacement had returned.

However, Leafpool re-left the Clans, claiming she had lost too much, and still in love with Crowfeather. They both departed and never came back, and I doubt Leafpool regrets it.

She followed her heart, and broke many when she walked away from us.

Squirrelflight:

Squirrelpaw was always hard to control. Unlike her sister Leafpaw, she went on to become a warrior and serve ThunderClan.

Squirrelpaw had a fiery pelt like me, and emerald eyes like her mother. Her personality was sharp and easy to hurt, and Squirrelpaw didn't really listen to what she was told to do.

I began to watch her every moment after Cinderpelt received an omen from StarClan. Together we discovered that Squirrelpaw was getting close to the warrior Brambleclaw. This was what the prophecy was talking about, Squirrelpaw is my daughter, and Brambleclaw was the son of Tigerstar. I thought that together, they could cause the destruction of ThunderClan. I was wrong; instead, they could both save our Clan. But it was too late, Squirrelpaw left with Brambleclaw to journey and find Midnight.

I didn't see my daughter for a long time, until she returned to ThunderClan, shortly after Leafpaw disappeared. Squirrelpaw went and saved her sister, but lost Graystripe at the same time.

Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw both lead the way to the mountains after telling us that we needed to leave. She looked strong and sure of herself, I was proud of my kin.

When we arrived at the lake, I named Squirrelpaw a warrior, giving her the name Squirrelflight.

Squirrelflight then went with the original journeying cats, to find ThunderClan a territory. It was like losing her again, I know that as a warrior, she would have forgotten her heritage and become loyal to StarClan and her Clan like any other, but it hurt to know that.

Squirrelflight returned with news of a great place to make camp. We settled in nicely, and the new camp was well guarded.

But my daughter began to drift away from me even more, just like Leafpool, as she became less and less trustworthy of Brambleclaw. She stopped listening to me, forgetting her Clan and I couldn't bear to see her the way she was.

Sandstorm was distraught and knew that Squirrelflight was suffering from heartache, but we both couldn't do anything to help our kin.

On one fateful day, Squirrelflight sacrificed herself to save Brambleclaw.

They were patrolling by ShadowClan, and Brambleclaw ran into Russetfur and a ShadowClan patrol. The deputy wasn't happy about it and attacked viciously, claiming that ThunderClan had finally gone too far, remembering the other times we had gone too close to their border.

Squirrelflight jumped in front and caught the fiery she-cat off guard, but became too injured in the process, the rest of the patrol angry and annoyed at the intrusion.

It was a mere flesh wound to her chest, just a scrape that had gone too deep, causing too much blood loss, which had caused her end.

Squirrelflight apologised to Brambleclaw for everything she had turned on him for, understanding he had trusted his own mind and told him that she would be waiting, as she left and joined StarClan.

I was glad to know she had cleared her mind and made peace with the warrior before leaving, because she had hurt herself trying to hate him.

But I miss her so much, because now even Leafpool isn't here to comfort me.

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Thankyou everyone for you're reviews, next chapter will be up soon, I hope I didn't miss anything here... 


	6. My Wonderful Medicine Cats

Disclaimer: I don't own the Warriors by Erin Hunter or the characters.

Ok I said I wouldn't write anything to do with my thoughts and comments, but I know that I did leave out the prophecy Leafpool received, and her thoughts. But it's from Firestar's point of view and I don't think she would tell him everything, even her feelings towards Crowfeather. This chapter was much harder to write, having to go back to the very first books and trying to get an edge to write from.

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My Wonderful Medicine Cats: Cinderpelt and Yellowfang

Cinderpelt:

Cinderpelt was always one of my greatest friends, who I turned to in times of need.

I first met Cinderpelt, as Cinderkit, after rescuing her from ShadowClan, with the help of Yellowfang. After my adventure with Graystripe, bringing home WindClan, Bluestar decided it was time for us both to take on an apprentice.

Graystripe was given Brackenpaw, a serious and promising tom, and I was given Cinderpaw, and over enthusiastic she-cat. We trained them together, enjoying the time spent.

Cinderpaw was always full of energy and everyone in the Clan understood she was harder to train then her brother, because of how curious and inquisitive she was.

On one horrible day, Cinderpaw took back a message to Tigerclaw, on the edge of the Thunderpath. I told her not to go, but she insisted, because all the other warriors and good apprentices were needed to guard camp. I suspected that it was a trap for Bluestar, because Tigerclaw had requested she come instead. But Cinderpaw still went and was hit by a monster, badly injuring and twisting her leg.

I visited her everyday in Yellowfang's den, hoping StarClan would not call her. She survived, thankfully, but forever had a limp leg and it prevented her from becoming a warrior. It was sad to see her like that, all crushed and frail. Not only did she look small and weak, but her noble spirit was crushed and her will to become a warrior, diminished.

It took a few moons for her to recover, though not to her full potential. She became a great help to Yellowfang, instead of brooding over her bleak future. I didn't see her as much, because Graystripe had his secret romance with Silverstream, and I took over Brakenpaw's training.

But she was getting more confident of herself, her old humour and excitement sparkling in her eyes. For the moment, I was happy, just happy she was still there.

Cinderpaw became depressed, after knowing she was useless in battle when Brokenstar's rogues attacked camp. Yellowfang cheered her up greatly, by inviting the young she-cat to train and become ThunderClan's next medicine cat. She accepted; glad to have found herself another path to follow. She became Cinderpelt, medicine cat of ThunderClan, after Yellowfang died.

I believe that Cinderpelt had always liked me more than a friend although I never felt the same feelings for her. I understood that many spats she had gotten into were with Sandstorm, who I later found out that loved me, and still does. If Cinderpelt had stayed when I told her to, she wouldn't have injured her leg, and still gone on to come a warrior. Things may have been different between us.

Cinderpelt is now just my best friend, after aiding me through the hard times, like the rise of Tigerstar and TigerClan, receiving my nine lives, the twolegs destroying our homes. But she was always there; to comfort me and help me get through the tough decisions I had to make as leader.

Cinderpelt died protecting Sorreltail while she was kitting. Badgers attacked our camp and easily killed Cinderpelt, unable to defend herself properly from her leg injury. Leafpool told me after, that Cinderpelt had known her fate, and did not fight it when StarClan called her.

I know that I can commune with StarClan, and see her in their shining ranks. But it's not the same, Cinderpelt isn't here, and I don't have anyone in life, to guide me back onto the right path.

Yellowfang:

Yellowfang was an old cat when I met her. She was always loyal, determined and extremely stubborn. When I look back on my time with her, she was more of an adoptive mother to me, not so kind and gentle, but always guiding my paws in the right direction.

I first discovered her as Firepaw, hunting through ThunderClan territory. She was old and mangy looking, half starved and yet she still attacked me. I hadn't done much training and found it difficult to fight her off. I eventually bit into her leg hard, crippling her temporarily. She told me her name was Yellowfang, well she actually screeched it at me before she attacked, and that she was from ShadowClan. I had never met a ShadowClan warrior before, and it was curious as to why she was on ThunderClan, without any other ShadowClan warriors.

I took pity on her and gave her a rabbit which I caught and while she was eating, her leg stiffened up. However Bluestar and a small patrol of ThunderClan arrived and growled at me for doing so, and Yellowfang couldn't escape.

Bluestar told everyone that Yellowfang was a respected senior warrior and medicine cat of ShadowClan. She announced that Yellowfang would be kept prisoner. As punishment for me, I would have to look after her.

I resented the job of cleaning the old cat's pelt, grooming her and feeding her. It also made me miss out on training sessions in the morning. But I began to like Yellowfang, as she seemed to not be so harsh towards me anymore and was one of the wisest cats I had ever met.

At a Gathering not long after adopting Yellowfang, Brokenstar, leader of ShadowClan, warned us all that a rogue she-cat was on the loose and was known for stealing and killing kits. Everyone immediately suspected Yellowfang and the Clan raced back, to find her sitting calmly in her nest and Bluestar stood up for the old she-cat, knowing that Yellowfang wouldn't do such a thing. But Yellowfang was hated by the rest of the Clan, and they turned on her when Spottedleaf was killed and Frostfur's kits were stolen.

All eyes turned to Yellowfang as the culprit, giving she had left ThunderClan that same night.

Bluestar sent Graypaw and I to go fetch her, to see if she really was as guilty as the others thought. But I knew she didn't do it and I found her in ShadowClan territory. She told me of her grave history, how she had watched Brokenstar kill kits and blame it on her, driving her out of ShadowClan, her birth Clan and home.

Together, along with Whitestorm, Runningwind and Mousefur, who were sent to fetch Yellowfang as well, however not as kindly as Graypaw and I were, drove out Brokenstar and his lead followers.

Yellowfang was accepted back into ThunderClan and given an apology for accusing her of Brokenstar's crimes. Yellowfang was invited to take Spottedleaf's place as medicine cat.

The old, yet wise she-cat began to adjust to ThunderClan life, with more warriors and Clan cats respecting her. After an attack from Brokenstar, with many of the ShadowClan outcasts dead, and Brokenstar blind, did I began to see Yellowfang's real past unfold.

I listened in one day as she spoke to Brokentail, (no longer a leader,) about how he framed her in ShadowClan and drove her out. He yowled at her that he had no kin and Yellowfang merely replied with a prickling statement; Brokentail was her son.

It shocked me, because Yellowfang had become a medicine cat, therefore forbidden to have kits. She told me later that she had fallen in love with noble Raggedstar, leader before his son. It was even sadder when she killed Brokentail, poisoning him with death berries, just so he could do no more destruction to ThunderClan, who was not her Clan by birth.

When a great fire raged through our forest, Yellowfang volunteered to go back to Camp, and try to save Halftail and Smallear, who were left behind after deserting our camp. I couldn't help Yellowfang while she went to get the elders and she got trapped by a fallen tree. I chose to save young Bramblekit instead and then couldn't return to see if Yellowfang was alright. So I went back to ThunderClan and waited, at the RiverClan camp until the fire diminished so I could see if she was still alive.

I set out as soon as possible and raced through our destroyed territory, nothing left but burnt ashes and fallen logs. I found Yellowfang, crouched in her den, weak and in pain, and we both knew she was dying.

Her last words were full of love and fright. She praised me of how I would become a great warrior and my destiny which StarClan had laid out, and how she would have loved to have me as her son, and that she was proud of me. But she was worried and distressed whether StarClan would accept her, because she had kits and fallen in love.

Now I know she was allowed to join StarClan, because she guided me even in death. She gave me one of my nine lives and I became closer to her than I had ever known.

Her stubbornness and pride was infuriating and yet it gave me joy in my life, giving me the strength to get through the hard times.

And when Yellowfang died, I cried my grief.

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Again, another note, it was hard to do Cinderpelt and Yellowfang, they have big indepth pasts and futures. It was annoying to write. Hint: My next is the second last chapter, and you can only guess who's in it.. 


	7. My Guardians Forever

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Warrior by Erin Hunter or the following characters in my story. I am merely a fan.

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My Guardians Forever: Spottedleaf and Bluestar

Spottedleaf:

Spottedleaf, the name is so sweet. It was a hard decision, to keep leading and living without her. But to tell you the truth, I never really loved her. Why? Because I never knew her. The time we spent together was short, miniscule and unimportant.

I did like her. That much is true.

But how can you really love somebody whom rarely spoke to you in life, yet walked with you in death?

I first met Spottedleaf as Firepaw, not as Rusty. See, I saw her in the crowd of ThunderClan, but she was a spectator and I was the event she had come to see.

Graypaw pointed her out to me after my naming and she didn't speak a word or voice a thought to me. She just told us to go away like we were mere kits. Ravenpaw had more attention from her then I ever got.

Spottedleaf was calm and collected and she was a medicine cat. Still, she was always many moons older than me. To be a full medicine cat, you must be old enough to care for you're Clan. I was just a kit, trying to fit into the ways of the forest. With her rank, she could never love me, or show any thing to support she wanted to be more than friends. I was always so reluctant around her after I learned the Warrior Code.

One fateful day, Spottedleaf deciphered a message she had heard from StarClan not long ago. I felt frightened and thrilled at the prophecy. 'Fire alone can save our Clan.' She had told me. Suddenly, I didn't just feel like Firepaw, the once kittypet turned Clan cat, I felt special. Someone who had their own destiny but not yet understood what it was. But I was torn after she neglected me and only referred to me when Yellowfang needed her wounds tended to.

My heart felt broken after a stormy night, where she was found dead. Her beautiful pelt was matted and everyone allowed her fallen body to lie in the rain, in the dirt and in the mud. It made me want to scream with rage, mostly because her spirit had joined StarClan and yet her earthbound body was no more than a leaf, dropped from the tree to be drowned in the pools of darkness.

But you know what? My heart recovered. It mended itself and in time, I learned to love again.

Throughout my time as Fireheart, Spottedleaf guided me. Whenever I felt lost, her scent and the wild wind drove back in the right direction. She came to me in dreams, so vivid and real like none other. I felt complete through those dreams, but awoke only to realize the emptiness had not been filled; and would not be filled again. Reality almost drove me into insanity. I began to picture her while I was awake, her beautiful pelt flowing in the breeze, her soft mew calling me. She was always waiting for me to join StarClan.

And so Spottedleaf gave me many more prophecies, helping me discover the truth about Tigerclaw. Spottedleaf drove me in the right direction, and soon I had become Firestar, just as the prophecy had said.

But when I became Firestar, she finally drifted away. She knew I was not hers. And when I got to join StarClan, we won't be together. I am in love, but not with her.

I know now that Spottedleaf stopped visiting me in dreams. Some part of me felt relieved, as if the final length of love and friendship between us broke. But it hurt to know she was aiding my daughters, Leafpool and Squirrelflight. However she had helped them, I thank her, silently, because she always reads my thoughts.

Dear Spottedleaf, I miss you, but I don't love you any more than I loved you in life. I know you will forever watch over me, and that's why you're my guardian angel.

Bluestar:

Bluestar; the name is so noble.

Bluestar was a compassionate leader like no other. I don't know how I ever thought I could measure up to the wise and great things she had done in her life. Neither could I reach the amount of sacrifices she made just for ThunderClan. Bluestar always put the Clan before herself.

I first met Bluestar as Rusty. She was so terrifying and inspiring cat I had seen. Her pelt was grayish blue, with clear blue eyes. At the time, they burned with a fire and intensity I had never seen before. I felt so honored when she praised me on my fighting against Graypaw. She invited me to join ThunderClan. I knew I would have to think about it, because it was a hard choice. Leave behind all I knew, in pursuit of something I had never really known?

Of course I chose to go back to ThunderClan, or I wouldn't be here now. I hoped to see Bluestar again, but a newer cat, Whitestorm came with Lionheart. I was so taken by the size and strength these wildcats held. I was determined to make them impressed.

As I arrived at the Camp, I saw Bluestar, sitting atop a large boulder. She looked even more inspiring and great.

Bluestar named me her apprentice not long after. What an honor! Being taught by the Clan leader! I was so proud and longing to show her what I could do.

I learnt much from Bluestar, and she welcomed me openly as I earned my warrior name; Fireheart. As time went on, I grew fonder and fonder of Bluestar. Now I come to think of her as my foster mother, who always guided my paws and made the right decisions.

But as I grew older, I found not everything about Bluestar was true. Graystripe and I discovered she had had kits with Oakheart, a warrior of RiverClan. The kits were given to him to be raised in RiverClan, unknown about their true heritage. Bluestar did it to become leader of ThunderClan. I was so unsure about her and wondered whether I could still trust her. But her kits, Mistyfoot and Stonefur, never knew and never showed anything to support they did.

I figure now I was wrong to judge her for those actions, she gave her kits up so she could be the best cat she could to her Clan.

After discovering that, whenever she saw Mistyfoot or Stonefur, her eyes glowed with longing. I grew frightened of what would happen if her secret was revealed. But she always controlled that want, distracting herself with Clan problems.

Soon I proved to Bluestar that Tigerstar was a blood thirsty cat, only wanting power and willing to kill to get it. She believed me easily. It wasn't a wonder, considering he tried to kill her in her den after planning a rogue attack. I wounded him, but instead of killing him, Bluestar exiled him. I was shocked when she named me her deputy, but it was after moonhigh, therefore the Clan ritual was broken. She was even more upset when Graystripe left her Clan. I know it made old memories resurface, the painful ones about her kits.

Forever on after that, Bluestar was not the cat I once thought I knew.

Her mind grew weary, everyday. When Tigerstar returned and killed Runningwind, Bluestar was in more than a state of shock. She stopped believing in StarClan. She thought her warrior ancestors were nothing more than a figment of her imagination. If they didn't stop Tigerstar, who said they wouldn't stop anything else? For a wile, I couldn't help but begin to see her troubles and wondered whether she was right.

Then the terrible fire raged through our camp. Bluestar was struck by a wave of grief when we all discovered Halftail and Patchpelt died. On top of that, the medicine cat, Yellowfang died after I found her in her den. She had tried to rescue the unfortunate elders, but had gotten too caught up in the smoke. Yellowfang was so much to me, and to Bluestar, the same.

I began to take over the Clan, not purposefully. But as time progressed, Bluestar began to isolate herself more and more, resulting in her grieving in her den all day, while I took charge. It felt horrible, knowing not what she thought about, having no idea how to help her.

She was even more devastated when she told her kits she was their mother, and they turned their backs on her.

Then an even bigger problem developed, Tigerstar. He had gone from Tigerclaw, exiled deputy of ThunderClan, to Tigerstar, newly appointed leader of ShadowClan. Surely this was a problem? But we soon found out, Tigerstar had nine lives, and he was willing to use them to kill ThunderClan, Bluestar, but mostly; me.

He lured a large dog pack that had escaped twolegs, towards the camp. Brindleface had been killed by him to show them what cat blood tasted like. Brightheart, then Brightpaw, was injured horrifically by a dog and scarcely lived. Swiftpaw, a promising apprentice, soon to be a warrior, was killed by the dogs.

In the end we had to run away from them, fleeing to Sunningrocks, the furthest we could get from them in ThunderClan territory. I ordered the fastest cats to make them run towards RiverClan, the dogs would them be distracted and hopefully fall into the raging gorge. But things didn't go as planned. I was the last cat on the trail, easily leading the dogs away. I felt pride as he felt their breaths slower and further away from me, their footsteps not even close to get me. But then Tigerstar made another appearance, trapping me and then letting me go. For a heartbeat, I was stunned. Suddenly I realized what he had done, the dog pack leader had caught up with me!

The massive dog picked me up in his jaws, shaking me about. I could feel my life slipping away, until a blue blur crashed into the lead dog, causing him to drop me. He fell straight over the edge, and I had a moment to realize who my savior was. Bluestar!

Immediately I leapt over the edge, without any thought. I had to save her, it was her last life. I found her quickly, but struggled to hold her weight and mine. But suddenly, Mistyfoot and Stonefur were beside me, holding their mother tight and pulling her to shore.

I knew it was useless, she was dying, StarClan were calling her. I could see it in her eyes. She requested her kits to forgive her as she lay, and they did. Finally, I could see peace in her eyes. Bluestar turned to me, blue eyes now misty silver. She told me of what a great leader I would be, how I had made her so proud. I couldn't share any of her admiration; for I was too busy trying to see if she could live, somehow.

Bluestar told me she would be happy in StarClan. She would be with Lionheart, Redtail and Oakheart. The elders and any other cat she had seen join the shining ranks of StarClan. Bluestar named me leader of ThunderClan, telling me I would become Firestar, the hero of the forest. I was the fire that would save our Clan, I could only nod, numbed by the realization she was leaving.

Finally, she breathed her last breath.

Bluestar, my leader, my mentor and my guidance, was dead.

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Oh.. sorry all my warrior fans who were reading this. It took forever to write the necessary stuff, besides I went away on holidays. I promise the next chapter will be up soon. Please keep reviewing and reading! It makes me oh so happy!

- Atrasoul


	8. My Only Reason To Keep Living

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Warriors, yup, all that jazz.

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And now you know. My tale is done. My greatest friends, my favoured deputies. My leader, my kin. Almost anything I grew close to, StarClan called; they all answered.

I have almost every reason to join them and give up the last seven lives I hold. Almost.

You see there, throughout my torment, there is one cat that hasn't left. One cat I know has always been there. And if she hadn't, I wouldn't be here, voicing my thoughts.

Sandstorm.

Her name is beautiful, she is graceful. Sandstorm is my jewel in ThunderClan. She's been here all the time, her pain echoing mine.

Graystripe and Ravenpaw were her best friends as well. She knew Lionheart better than I did. Whitestorm was her mentor. Cinderpelt became a good friend after some quarrels. Yellowfang was another cat she knew and hated to see die. Spottedleaf was a beloved medicine cat to ThunderClan. She never knew Smudge or Princess, because she is Clan born. But she knew Leafpool and Squirrelflight. They were her daughters, my daughters. Our daughters.

Sandstorm is more than a friend that stuck by me. I new her since I came to ThunderClan, seasons ago.

The first time she saw me, she hated me. I was a kittypet, trying to fit in. I found her attractive, but that doesn't make a cat like you. Fair enough, I didn't really know her, so I showed no signs of becoming friends with her.

Sandpaw's mentor was Whitestorm. He was a noble white cat, strong willed and loyal to the core. He was an excellent fighter and hunter; I can see why she is one of the best now.

As Firepaw, Sandpaw threw scorn in my direction, always trying to make my life harder. It worked; sometimes I felt that I was just a kittypet, instead of the loyal ThunderClan apprentice I was becoming. Her best friend, Dustpaw, followed her example. They both hated me. They became extremely hostile when I was made warrior after the incident with Brokenstar.

Fortunately, during the harder times when WindClan disappeared, their rein of hatred began to ease off. They regarded me as a Clan mate, not a friend, but not an enemy.

On the day Graystripe and I brought WindClan back, we decided to go home past RiverClan. We were tired and it seemed more logical. Besides, it was a special mission, right?

We were wrong. Oh so wrong. Whiteclaw, a RiverClan warrior, accidentally fell into the gorge separating WindClan and RiverClan territory. It was only Graystripe and I, Deadfoot and Onewhisker. The RiverClan cats were really angry; we had gone beyond a border fight. Suddenly a ThunderClan patrol came, yowling at the enemies and making the numbers even again. Sandpaw was battling furiously with a RiverClan tom and he kicked her off. The pale ginger she-cat almost went over the edge just before I grabbed her scruff, pulling her away. At the time I thought she was going to attack _me_ instead of the other cats. She looked serious enough. But later she thanked me.

After that, Sandpaw became a steady friend. I reported to Bluestar at how well she fought in the battle against Brokenstar and his other exiled ally's. She and Dustpaw earned their warrior names. She became Sandstorm, he Dustpelt.

From then on, we were good friends. Sandstorm, Graystripe and I hunted a lot together, although Graystripe drifted off and never really focused. Not long after, Silverstream died and Graystripe was in a state of grief. He left ThunderClan because of it, taking his kits to their mother's Clan.

Sandstorm was there to comfort me, and I felt grateful.

Not soon after, Graystripe and I proved Tigerclaw's treachery. Bluestar named me Clan deputy, it was an honour.

Sandstorm consoled me when most the Clan rejected Cloudkit, she helped me try and rescue him when he was taken by twolegs. I found comfort in her and never once thought she cared for me more than a friend would.

Cinderpelt was a medicine cat, even though Yellowfang hadn't retired. I would sometimes go to the medicine cat clearing for a scratch or sore paw, to find Sandstorm and Cinderpelt bickering. I never knew why.

_She-cats._

After the fire, I never felt so distraught. I had lost Yellowfang in the fire. It was my fault she died.

I had been deputy for a few moons after Tigerclaw's treachery. Bluestar asked me to decide the mentor's of Ashpaw and Fernpaw; I made the grave mistake of choosing Darkstripe and Dustpelt.

Sandstorm was angry, for she was the obvious choice. I had already had two apprentices, while she had none. I promised her one of Willowpelt's kits, but she was too upset to think about that.

As she began to ignore me, I felt a loneliness inside that couldn't be stopped by anything. It was as if part of my soul had been pulled along with her as she padded away.

For days I felt horrible, from sunrise to sunset I tried to explain to her. Eventually she began to warm up to me. But she didn't trust me. Especially when Bluestar's mind began to crumble, and I had to make choices against her orders so ThunderClan wouldn't fall.

When the threat of the dog pack came to realisation, it was a terrible feeling. To be hunted in your own home, they hunters becoming the hunted. I realised that Sandstorm meant more to me than any other cat in ThunderClan.

I approached her and apologised. I could see hurt in her eyes. It affected me more than any pain I had felt in battle, any fight I had lost. It was pure grief and anguish.

But she accepted my apology; and for once, I felt whole.

She explained to me how she was torn between loyalty to ThunderClan, and loyalty to me. I then knew I had to confess to her. I told Sandstorm I loved her. And she only replied by telling me; she loved me too.

From then on I knew I could survive the harsh things, like Bluestar's death. I succeeded her and became leader; the great Firestar.

I chose Whitestorm as my first deputy, he served his Clan well. But Whitestorm was killed brutally during the war against BloodClan.

Sandstorm was torn with grief. He had been her mentor and a very wise cat. Whitestorm named Graystripe as his successor, telling me that in my heart I knew he was always the right cat to be deputy.

During the next seasons, we had peace. Sandstorm found she was going to have kits, and we were both pleased to welcome Leafkit and Squirrelkit into ThunderClan. Leafkit chose the path of a medicine cat, her mentor Cinderpelt. While Squirrelkit chose to follow in her parent's paw steps, becoming a warrior.

Sandstorm was then even more upset because her apprentice, Sorrelpaw, was injured badly for many moons from an accident.

More and more grief followed, the death of Dappletail, Shrewpaw, Squirrelpaw leaving unexpectantly, the prophecy of Fire and Tiger, Leafpaw then mysteriously disappearing alongside Cloudtail and Brightheart, Graystripe's abduction and the destruction of the forest.

I left behind many friends, some respected elders and past comrades in ThunderClan. We journeyed through the mountains to find a new home with the other Clans. As we've lived by the lake, we've only found more grief. Most my cats are gone. Leafpool left, Squirrelflight died bravely.

But now I know; I'm not alone.

Sandstorm's my mate, my love and my beauty. She walks wherever I walk, together. I know when I do leave to join StarClan, she will follow. Our paths will twine with each others in the stars.

And now you know.

My only reason to keep living is because she is with me.

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Finally!!! Finished! Ok, please, please review and tell me what you think. I know this is a depressing story. But I had an idea, it came out through my fingers and I typed. I felt you needed to reflect on the harsher thoughts of Firestar, like the loss of friends. So there you have it. A few notes to explain my warped version of Warriors...

- I did not read Twlight or Sunset while writing this. I have now. So Firestar has **7** lives instead of 6. Brambleclaw is not mentioned in this fic.

- Squirrelflight did **not** die. Some people are asking me this, she didn't. **1.** I needed her to die in this story, sorry Squirrelflight fans, I don't hate her or anything. **2.** I hadn't read Twilight by then.

- Leafpool came back in Twilight guys. She gave up Crowfeather. ( I loved that pairing. But again, I needed her gone, so she went with him.

- Cinderpelt did die. Sad. She wasn't my favourite character, but we all love her anyway.

- Firestar did leave behind Smudge and Princess. Yup, t'is true.

- Graystripe has not come back yet. maybe in the Power of Three. But not in the New Prophecy.

- Oh, the 'before there is peace, blood will spill blood, and the lake will run red,' prophecy, nope, didn't happen here. Leafpool wasn't around long enough to say that it had been fulfilled. Brambleclaw is not mentioned, Squirrelflight died. Firestar still has 7 lives left.

Well there you have it. My story that has been the most popular out of all my fics is finished. Sad, I won't come up with anything twice as good... or maybe. I'm working on something now but you guys will wait if you're interested. Sorry if I'm on you're author alert, because I put up Teen Titans fics as well, and you guys are Warriors fans. So you are alerted for stories you won't read. Same for the TT fic fans. Thanks for reading, reviewing, all that yummy stuff. No flames )

- Atrasoul


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